message in a bottle (02.2003 - 09.2008)

This weekend was a weekend of many movies. I started with the directorial debut Hindi film, followed by a French, a Japanese, and a Chinese movie. Surprises of surprises - "U, Me, Aur Hum" was not the worst of the lot.

It was pretty bad though. I can see that Ajay Devgan was passionate about the subject of the movie, maybe that is the reason he wanted to show every small idea in detail. The scenes dragged on and on. The first half is frivolous fun - songs and dance, bright colors, silly jokes et al. It is in the second half of the film when the real story begins and mind you, the story is not half bad and is backed up by usual excellent performance by Mrs. Devgan. However, the story that could have been told in 1.5 hours drags for almost three. So there. Two and a half stars.

Next, I saw a French film called "A Very Long Engagement," starring Audrey Tautou. It is a gorgeous movie - the cinematography is breathtakingly beautiful. It tells a story of a girl whose young fiance is missing in World War I. She believes him to be alive and starts investigating despite her very few means. In the process she uncovers the mystery surrounding the lives and deaths of her fiance and four other soldiers who were court marshaled along with him. Despite the gloomy subject, the movie is  upbeat and has a very good feel to it. If nothing else, watch it for the endearing little house in the French countryside where Audrey stays! Three and a half stars.

Then I saw movie that beat Ajay Devgan's attempt hands down! It was a Japanese movie, "Neighbor No. 13." I was told that the movie combines  the essence of "Fight Club" and "Old Boy." Of course that got me interested. Much disappointment followed. The director - did not bother to look up his name - picks up the split personality from the first film and vengeance from the latter. Mixes it up, badly and serves it in a cracked plate. There are meaningless lengthy shots, unexplained motives of the characters, and a lot of weirdness. Stay away. Far away. Half star.

Last but most definitely the best, I saw "CJ7." A Stephen Chow flick, which reminded me how much I had enjoyed his previous movie a couple of years back. This one is a movie for children and for all with a happy child in their hearts. It has great actors, fun story, many emotions, and a lot of references thrown in. It pays homage to E.T and many other films. It is a tale of a small kid from a poor family whose father labors to send him to a good school but cannot provide much else. Cute, very funny, and well made. A must watch. Five stars and two thumbs up.

PS: Chinese kids are so adorable!

PPS: Does the subject of the post confuse you? Well, this post maybe my usual rattle about movies but it is fab because it is the first ever post being made from my Super Shiny MacBook. Joy.

AKA Chronicles of a Married Girl – March Update

Last Friday, I managed to make fittingly cute faces to convince the husband, a slightly freaked-out husband, to take me out for dinner to celebrate our six-month anniversary. I know it is a little lame, but the evening turned out to be lovely.

Well, it did not start that way though. We had some transport problems to begin with. At a point, we did consider going back home and eating Ramen noodles for dinner. But I was dressed up, which is not usual, so we showed some more patience and finally managed to get to a fantastic lake-side restaurant called “Water Front.” By the Hussain Sagar lake, this is a lovely place that serves Chinese and Thai. I sat facing the lake, looking at the shiny city lights at a distance, feeling the cool breeze in my hair, and sipping my mojito. This was followed by some very fine Thai food, which also helped the husband relax and be happy that we were out there.

This has been the week of hot forty-plus women. Saw Aaja Nach Le, which is half decent a flick. The story was not as great as one expects from Jaideep Sahni and the rest of the stuff was mediocre too. However, full marks for the choreography and a respectable show put up by all actors. Additional brownie points for trying to be progressive and showing a protagonist who is happily single. But coming to the main point, the movie scores because Madhuri Dixit is Hot! As the gamer put it, “she is not hot for a woman in her 40’s, she is just hot. Period.”

Yesterday, I finally sat down to watch Stardust, adaptation of my favorite fantasy book ever! The story has it all: fairies and witches, stars and unicorns, kings and princesses, romance and drama, action and tragedy. And then it has pirates. What more can you ask for? Really. So while I concur with pinkoliphaunt mostly about the movie faltering on certain points but still being fun, I have to say again – full marks to the movie for showing such a hot witch. Michelle Pfeiffer looks super in the film. She looks grand at forty-nine!

Because you are a Hindi-film fan, just like me
Because you are not afraid to be fun in a cliché sort of way
Because you celebrate cinema in your movies
Because you poke fun at everyone, including yourself

I like.

The best thing about living away from home is going back home. For the first time in the history of me, I was actually happy to feel the slight nip in the air that indicates arrival of the terrible Delhi winters. You see, this nip is really nice but what it brings with it is to be dreaded. So.

Went home for three days and had a blast. Met up with friends and family and ate a lot of food. Diwali celebrations were just like I used to describe in my class three essay back in school; I wore new clothes, lit diyas, did pooja, ate sweets, greeted the neighbors, and lit pholjadhis. Picture Perfect.

But not everything is perfect in this world; if it were, I would have got to watch the entertainer called Om Shanti Om instead of the bootless Sawariyan! The movie was terribly blue, full of needless songs and needless prostitutes, and utterly futile in every possible sense. The new kids are okay though; both should be able to do well for themselves if they select movies for the material rather than over-hyped directors.

However, I did not let the uselessness of the movie depress me for long and decided to meet up with my newly married friends over a lunch of sizzlers. They told us tales of their adventurous honeymoon and also flaunted their bruises as a proof. The timing of being in Delhi was perfect and allowed me to wish another friend a happy married life. Why is the whole world and their friends getting married this very year, though?! Anyhow, I also got to eat a gala birthday dinner, complete with dilli ki chaat. Yum.

Then, I got my very first birthday present that a friend picked up from Agra. No, it is not a replica of the Taj Mahal. More north Indian food was had and I returned back this morning via a non-delayed flight. Awesome. And a pink train. Awesome-r.

The book

I have no idea what took me so long to pick up “Neverwhere.” Have had an e-version of the book sitting pretty in my mailbox for over a year now. But I love reading the old fashioned way; just the way I like shopping the old fashioned way. My reading material must come with a faint papery smell. Coming back to the point, I am on page 66 of the book and am already sure that I love it. This urban fantasy is set in both London and London below; you know, like Wonderland where Alice roamed? Its witty, its curious, its inventive, and all things Neil Gaiman.

The movie

Again, I have no idea why I have not heard people swearing by “The Iron Giant” every time I uttered the words - animation movies. The most endearing film I have seen in a very long time tells the tale of a little boy with a big name, Hogarth Hughes. Hogarth has a chance meeting with a massive giant, who probably is an alien, but is extremely gentle and peace-loving. But since he is a giant and eats iron, it is kind of tough for Hogarth to keep him a secret. Be it animation or emotions, the movie is so well done that I prefer it over both “The Incredibles” and “E.T,” although both these happen to be my super favorites. I sat on the floor, my eyes glued to the screen, a single tear running down my face, and my heart tearing up for the friendly iron man-type thing. T’was brilliant.

The video game

I started playing the game "Elite Beat Agents" because it was there. However, it took the Elite Agents under three minutes to have me hooked. EBA is a rhythm game, where you listen to the beats of rock numbers and use the stylus of the DS to do stuff at the right moment. Sounds simple? Think again. Or rather, pick up the game and find out for yourself. The story of the game is presented in the comic book style, which only makes it much more fun. So there are different unrelated characters that are in trouble, and the Elite Agents come to get them out of the crisis. The success of this mission depends on you and your hand-eye-ear coordination. The game includes tracks like Chicago’s “You're the Inspiration” and The Rolling Stones’ “Jumpin' Jack Flash.” Fun fun fun!

It was one of those boring afternoons when time crawls and unexciting work piles up. A colleague and I decided to walk up to the cafeteria to get something to drink. As we sat sipping hot milk-less masala chai, my ears caught strains of a popular 90s song. I turned around to find Kishan-Kanhiya, a Rakesh Roshan flop production from the 90s, on the 42’’ LCD screen. I promptly changed the position of my chair coz this was gonna be fun!

The movie, which is based on the popular bollywood concept of twins – remember Sita aur Geeta, Ram aur Sham, Chalbaaz - had just begun. The mother was in labor and was twisting, turning, and shrieking, total bollywood style. At this point I happened to mention to my colleague that in Hindi films, the midwife is always childless herself. What a cliche! As if on a cue, the midwife (Shobha Khote) tells her husband that she’d like to keep one of the twins for herself and when the husband says that would be cheating, she responds:

Taqdeer ne humare saath bhi toh dokha kiya hai.

Man, was I in splits. That is why I love bad Hindi movies so much. They are so cliche that it is huge fun. This conversation got me thinking about my favorite Hindi movie cliche:

1. A mother shown in labor will die promptly after delivery.
2. A woman about to be raped will be dressed in a saree. It is no fun to yank off a dinner jacket, is it?
3. If there is a rape scene, it has to be raining. Does the crime rate go up in monsoon? Um…but then going by this theory crime rate in Delhi should be zero.
4. The rapist has to take off his shirt before he starts kissing cleavage. Okay, enough about rape scenes!
5. Presence of a small temple in all hospitals. The doctor stands in front of the deity when telling the patient’s relative, ”enhe dava ki nahi, dua ki zaroorat hai.”
6. Sab theek ho jayega.
7. The sexy bombshell switching to Indian attire when parents refuse to let her marry the man of her dreams. Have you ever seen a Hindi film heroine singing a sad song in a skirt?
8. The hero/heroine walking into a temple and saying, “Bhagwan, maine tum se aaj tak kuch nahi manga…” Really?!
9. If a pregnant woman walks up the stairs, she slips.
10. The day the mother makes her son’s favorite dessert, he dies.

I love the 90s!

Delhi's heat is getting to me. I have been spoilt in a week by Hyderabad’s uber pleasant weather. Now, my skin is a shade of bronze minus the sparkles, eyes red at the corners, and throat perpetually parched. To my left hand, there is a 750 ML bottle of water affixed. And I just had an orange candy. But I am not here to talk about the heat. I am here to tell you about experience of watching my first ever Telugu film in a theater.

Wanted to watch Cheeni Kum and went hopping across the movie-crazy city of Hyderabad to find the tickets. Negative. Tried Ocean's Thirteen. Negative. But I had to, just had to, watch a movie on the big screen. So I impelled the friends to buy tickets for a Telugu masala movie, Aata. Getting the tickets of a movie in a language that none of us understand made complete sense to me at that moment. My logic:

1. Must try everything once!
2. How wrong can movie buffs go with a masala movie?
3. We all know the leading man of the film. Familiarity helps.
4. Tickets ARE available.

In my defense, I had read/heard a bit about the movie and knew it was a standard run-of-the-mill film. Also, all three who were going to watch the film have watched enough bad Hindi movies in their time and are conditioned for such. Well, so Sunday morning 10:30 (actually, 10:45, coz we are always late!) I was seated inside the dark movie hall, feet up and all, with all my senses geared to catch something. And here is what I gathered; you may correct me if you know better. :)



Aata, which means 'show,' is a story of a boy who is a film buff and a girl who is running away from goons. The girl, called Sathya, is played by a cute chick called Ileana D'Cruz. The boy, called Sri Krishna, is played by the familiar Siddharth Narayan (Remember the solemn Karan Singhania in Rang De Basanti?). So, there is a bad boy who wears his jeans low enough to reveal his Tommy Hilfiger undies and goes around the city raping and killing women. His dad, of course, is the CM and his mum wears heavy silk sarees and tonns of gold and beats up her son's bodyguards. So the baddy rapes a girl who is known to our Sathya. In anger, Sathya picks up a stone and hits Baddy, who decides to take revenge on being hit publically by a woman. He soon spots the pretty Sathya dancing at her friend's wedding. He gives the look to his mum, who quickly makes arrangements of getting Baddy engaged to the pretty Sathya then and there. Post the forced ceremony, Sathya runs away from her home and Baddy. What next? She bumps into our show boy, Sri Krishna at nothing less than a fair. He takes her along on a boat, to an island and back. Then they run and the goons follow, they save puppies, jump and faint in wells, and fight over a non-existent boyfriend. Their running sequence is aptly punctuated with songs in cute dresses and love happens. Ultimately they are caught and presented to Baddy and his mum. But now, hold your breath, there is a twist in the tale. Sri Krishna is actually in Baddy's team and happily hands over the innocent Sathya to him. Baddy is pleased with Sri and makes him his brother and friend, the kind who always follows Baddy everywhere. Our Sathya is heart broken and promptly shifts to wearing salwar-kameez. Sri now gives lessons to Baddy on how to win Sathya's heart. In the process, they all go horse riding, where horses go dotty and throw people over. Sri saves Sathya's life, complete '50s style. He then reveals his masterplan to her by telling her that he loves her but has to do this drama to solve the problem and rid her of Baddy. Sathya is happy and together the two make out in front of Baddy who has now turned into a clown. Next, Sathya demands jewelry from Rajasthan in order to get married. Promptly, Baddy leaves for Rajasthan along with his friends. There, they shop and then decide to dance in bizarre non-Rajasthani dresses. Sri slips a gift in Baddy's hands and tells him to impress the lady with it. But the lady does not want a golden deer (the one handed over by Sri), she wants a real one! Baddy leaves immediately to hunt for one in the land of black bucks-made-popular-by-Salman Khan and gets arrested for the same. Awesome! Soon, some pundits are called to select a date for marriage. But these guys are from Sri's village and help him by telling Baddy's folks that the fat-silk-clad-gold-laden mum will die if the girl marries Baddy. However, this can be averted by making the girl marry someone else, just like Aishwarya did. And who else but Sri comes to Baddy's rescue? In happiness and glee, our couple sings a song that goes "balle balle," I kid you not! However, all plans go down the drain when Baddy finds out the real story (all he has to do is overhear a phone conversation!) and then they fight. Blood is shed, fight is had, buildings are jumped, and ultimately Baddy is caught by the special task force of the police, the one that does not care about the CM. Baddy is also threatened by the students from all over Hyderabad, who appear out of the blue with cellphones in their hands, ready to send SMS-es to somebody of importance to show their support for the girl who got raped and killed. Remember her? So, Baddy is behind the bars and the couple is together. All is well and that is the end.

I am watching more Telugu movies from now on. What fun!